keep on

keep on diggin for the truth

 take the lies for what they are

 keep on wishin for the best

keep on wishin on that star

 keep on fightin for whats right

just raise your bar

 keepin on facing this test

 because only you can go that far

im sorry

Whats the point when i know it does nothing

to tell you how i feel cuz you dont understand

you say you know what i mean when i say "I love you"

but in the next sentence you say im taking it too hard

if you truly knew what it felt like than you would not say that

What do you say when you say "I love you"

do you know what your saying??

when i say it i am saying many things

i am saying that i would do anything for you

i would go through the pain of seeing you with my best freind

just because it makes you happy and i know he treats you well

then a month later you end up with my enemy

and its not supposed to hurt????

that is what i get from you.

i hear "your taking it too hard" and "i know how you feel"

but you dont, you know nothing of how i feel

all you know is what you want to know

you think its easy to be like this?

Do you think i like being like this?

all i do is think about you every second of every day

and you tell me you know what its like

i honestly wish i could beleive you on that one

I love you more than life itself

without you i have nothing but with you he has everything

i hope that you can forgive me for what ive done

but i dont expect you to

if it makes you a better person in the end

than it is worthwhile for you to hate me

because that is what i want

for you to be as good as you can be

i will stand back and watch you be with him

and hide my pain until it kills me

goodbye my freind and i hope you will realize it someday

how i feel and how i felt

but im done for now and im going to mend my freindships

for i have hurt people because i cant let you go

and i need to fix those for you and me

to everyone else out there that is mad at me

im sorry to all of you also

especially you alyssa...im pointing you out by name

so you can see how sorry i am

but when its all over will you remember me

or will i just be that guy that was a jerk in highschool?

i hope that you will forgive me and just know that your still my freind

hidden

Why am i so lonely?

Why do i cry at night?

i feel like no one cares

like im all alone

even though i know thats not true

you say that you miss me

that you really want to hang out

but when you see me you dont talk to me

i have to initiate everything

every conversation, every hug

you say im irreplaceable

yet im already dissappearing

i long for that feeling

of being truly here

that feeling of security

a feeling of necessity

that if i was gone

someone would miss me

if i was sad

someone would kiss me

when im stuck in this darkness

someone would find me

but for now i just have to stay

the way i am with this emptiness

and stay in this darkness untill im found

where did you go?

What happened to you?

Where did you go?

you used to be so kind

there was a time

when i could see your heart

straight through your eyes

and i knew you didnt lie

but now you cheat and deceive

even those like me

where is that girl i fell in love with?

i want her back i want to see her

where did she go?

your different now

you wont look me in the eye

expecially when we talk

you divert your eyes

because your hiding something

you used to tell me everything

now you tell me nothing

i want that girl back

that girl i loved

that girl i gave up everything for

where did she go?

why wont she come back?

ive been waiting and waiting

and i still havent seen her

should i give up?

or should i stay and wait?

i truly loved that girl

but she is gone now

and i dont know whether she will be back

but i hope and pray i see her again

but for now i will sit here waiting

your lies

your words are like poison

burning deep

your lies rotting my heart

your very breath

brings chaos and destruction

your love is just another lie

burning deep like the rest

your touch is like nails

piercing my heart

sirens have nothin on you

you freeze me with your beauty

but kill me with your gaze

and trap me in a state of hell

untill i am fully dead

A chapter of a book I'm trying to write...read it and comment if its worth editing and keeping going i will if not ill just give up :)

In October of 2007, one week before my birthday I was at a Springdale football game. It was a normal October night, partly cloudy and definitely very cold. The wind hissed through the trees like a whisper in your ear, with the slight smell of mist in the air. I was running late so I ran in to see my friends Daniel and Julie, who at the time I liked, though I had no idea the life changing experience that was going to happen that night.
“Hey Dan and jewels what’s up?” I said with a grin on my face.
“Nothing much” they both said almost in sync.
“We are losing pretty badly why are you late dude?” said Dan
“Sorry my grandpa was running late as normal. You all know how that goes”
We all laughed and I heard a fourth laugh that I had not heard before. I wondered to myself, who is that and where did it come from. I looked over to the other side of Julie and saw a tall girl with beautiful, curly, brown hair standing there.
“Hi I’m Tyler, I’m sorry I didn’t see you there” I said with a little smirk.
She replied with an angelic smile “Hi, I’m Alyssa, Julie’s friend”
I thought to myself “wow she is beautiful, I am going to go stand next to her.”
I kind of hustled over to her side trying not to let anyone know what I was doing
“Hi how’s it going? It’s kind of cold out tonight huh?” I said in a very shy manner
“It’s going well and yes very cold.” I hear a phone ringing coming from her pocket
“Oh I’m sorry that’s my Boyfriend Kurtis I am going to talk to him.”
“ok.” I said in rather sad manner thinking “dang she has a Boyfriend that sucks”
With Alyssa talking on the phone in the background
“Hey Julie, I have never met her before.” I said in a partly giddy and partly sad expression on my face.
Julie replied kind of chuckling under her breath “Ya she is one of my friends have been for a few years.”
Daniel butted in saying “she is really cool”
I smiled thinking “wow she is amazing, what is this feeling. I have liked many girls why does this feel so
different?” my mind was wandering, thinking, daydreaming of what it would be like to be with her. What it would be like to be called her boyfriend, but then I kept getting drawn back to her already having a boyfriend.
“She is sitting over there talking to him” I kept thinking to myself
Then she came over, back to our group I smiled thinking she was getting off the phone but she didn’t. She stood there talking on the phone while we were all watching the game. My heart sunk, standing here listening to her so into the phone call. “I wanted to talk to Julie and Daniel about liking her but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just met her, why is this happening. I like Julie, I think. “Every time she looked my direction my heart would beat a thousand beats per minute. She would look at me with this “he is cute” kind of look on her face that made everything just that much worse. Finally after another half hour she got off the phone.
“hey sorry about that we don’t get to talk much” she said directing it towards me.
“it’s ok no biggie we were just watching the game anyway” I replied
Alyssa said with a cute grin on her face “so do you have a MySpace?”
“no I don’t why?”
“oh really? You should make one” she said
“ok” I replied. “sounds good to me. Until then do you have an e-mail?”
“yes its yaddayaddaetcetc@hotmail.com, send me a message tonight?”
“ummm ok I guess I could do that” I said jumping for joy inside
We messaged for several days until I went to youth group four days later and we saw each other there. I was so excited to see here I couldn’t contain myself, but I had to.
“Hi Alyssa how are you?” I said
“I’m doing ok I guess.” She replied with a hint of sadness in her voice.
“ok, are you doing ok you seem kind of sad.” I asked trying to figure out what was going on.
She said “Ya I’m fine I will talk to you about it later, does that sound ok?”
“Ya sure anything I can do to help, I’m here”
Later that night on e-mail
Me:
I realize that this may be a weird question seeing as I don’t know you that well, but in my mind you have already become a good friend. If I like a girl, but don't know whether she likes me. What should I do? She is a friend and I don't want to ruin that if she doesn't like me. Anyway I would appreciate any advice that you can give me. Thanks

Alyssa:
well that’s ok you are a good friend to me too. well depends I have had the experience the first we are not really friends any more we still talk but not as much. the second if you know you are still going to be friends go for it with the second person I still talk to the same I did before. so it just depends.

oh if you don’t mind telling me who is it is ok if you don’t but I just want to know


Me:
Umm.... this person I don’t know super well so I don’t know if I would still be friends with her. I would sure hope that I could still be friends with her, but it would mostly be up to her. My experience with asking my friends out is that I have lost several friends that way so I am a little scared. I don't even know really why I like her. Just anytime I am around her I feel really happy and when I’m not all I can think about is when I am going to see her again.. I would prefer not to tell you who it is. At least not over an e-mail.
Alyssa:
ya for me it depends on who it is ya so you can tell me tonight ok!!!! I’ll talk to you tonight
the next Friday night at another football game.

HI all

Thankyou for reading ill be updating as i can hopefully tonight ill have a few more..i just started it so i hope to have it really running in a couple of days

I'll be here

No matter how many times you say "I hate you"
Who is going to be there saying "Ok, but I love you"?
No matter how many times you say "Disappear"
Who will be saying "Ok, but i will be here when you need me"?
No matter how many times you say "I don't care what you think"
Who is still going to be here saying "I'm still proud of you"?
No matter how many times you say "Don't have hope"
Who will be sitting here saying "I always will"?
No matter how many times you say "your just like them"
Who is going to be standing here proving he is not?
No matter how many times you say "I want to believe you i just can't"
Who will be here saying "Yes you can"?
No matter how many times you say "No matter what happens, I still love you"
Who will be here saying "I know you do"
No matter how many times you hurt him after that
Who is going to still stand next to you and say "I still love you"?
No matter how many times people say "She is not worth it"
Who will still stand here and say "Yes she is"?
No matter how hard life get and how many temptations there are
Who is going to stand here and say "I'm taken by her, even if she is not taken by me"?
No matter how many times you say "I enjoy making you cry"
Who will just sit there and say "Ok, whatever makes you feel better"?
No matter how many times you call crying
Who will be there saying "It's ok, I love you, it will be ok"?
No matter how many times you say "That doesn't help"
Who will still stand there saying "I'm sorry, but i still love you"
The main point is no matter what happens, and no matter how much you yell at him
Who will still be standing there saying "I will love you forever and always"