day 13

How do you "disappear" or "check-out"?
I normally just go off by myself where no one can find me and leave me phone and computer behind. Just me and my bible and book.

What would you do if you completely "let yourself go"? What would happen?
If i completely let myself go and let myself do whatever i wanted i would be in alot of trouble and not be faithful, but as yesterday had said that strength and devotion are something i would use to describe myself. Letting myself go would be bad so i fight everday to not ever have that happen i love God and her WAY too much.

day 12

Write some words that describe who you are.
Male,Tall, Skinny, Strong, Commited, faithful, Trusting, Loving, Smart

day 11

What were some ciritcal and dismissive names you have been called and how did they affect you?
the main one that sticks in my mind is when my dad told me "i would always be his burden" he didnt refer to me as son he said burden...that hurt...alot.

Who can you truly be yourself around?
my family and her, they all make me feel proud of who I am and what i am.

day 10

List the smells you love and the memories they elicit.

Fish i love the smell of it yet it always makes me sick because i got sick last time i had sea food.
Her, she always smelled good and always told me i did too.
Work: honestly i love the smell of quiznos it smells SO good.

List some foods you love to eat.

pizza, subs from quiznos, pasta, bread, soup, carrots, mac and cheese,and many others

day 9

what would you do if everything went right?
I would be very happy.....there were times i felt everything was going great and they were the happiest times ofmy life.

If it was your last day on earth what would you do?
I am going to be corny and simply say that i would do all i could to spend it with her and my family and friends...all of us go do something fun...and then during the evening take ?

day 8

Whos voice do you love the sound of? Why and how does it affect you?

Notgoing to lie i love hearing her voice. Especially when she is happy. It makes me smile no matter what kind of day im having.Its amazing how onepersons voice and attitude can change my mood. The simplest of things she says affect me most of the time she does not even notice.

Write down a secret you have kept. how does it feel to have it out there?
My secret is simple...Istruggle too....sometimes i dont feel like i love you...sometimes i do likeother girls...but then God brings me back to the reality of you...there were times for weeks at a time that i didnt want to be with you but i knew in my heart it was worth it to fight through...because i knew i loved you...and well everyday i love you more...everyday i get stronger and grow and its all because of you and the pain we share...you may not feel it but we share alot more than just friendships...i love you and thats my secret...and how does it feel to have it out?? scarry lol people always seem to think i never struggle and my dedication is perfect...yes im dedicated but that doesnt mean its not work...its hard work..especially when things go wrong...but i know God has a plan and i feel it will all be ok :)

day 7

How does your intuition speak to you? list some hunches you actually followed and how they worked out.
My intuition has kept me by her side...knowing her better than anything...my intuition helps me with my friends knowing whats going on in life when others cant see it. Loving her through anything has helped me become a stronger person and it works out sometimes haha, but it all will always work out.

List some times you did not follow your instincts and what happened?
I honestly cant remember specific times that i did not follow my instincts. I ten to follow my gut which some times is bad but sometimes good

day 6

Who and what do you love?
I love God, her, my family, rock music, yes im eeven liking country now, action movies,romance movies,

What does Heaven look like?
I am not really sure, but i think we will be surrounded by all our loved ones and be happy with no pain or suffering like in this world.

day 5

Today is about the things we are postponing due to fear and to talk about regrets that if i could change i would. Only choose one things you could change.

I am postponing alot of things due to fear. Calling her, doing school, and several other things. I regret the single biggest thing that ruined my relationship and if i could change it i would, but for now all i can do is not do it again.

day 4

today is about things things i have ben told and how they affected me. And about times i feel like i have been truly heard.

I remember times i got yelled at and times I was told good things. I remember the first day she said "I love you" and how it made me feel. I remember the days of getting in trouble ovr nothing and getting in trouble over big things.

I cant really remember any times i was "truly heard", but I am sure there were times

PEOPLE COMMENT!!!

Day 3 in the journey

Day 3 is what would i do if i had more free time? what are some important things i have been putting off that i need to get done. and lipst something forbidden that i want to do but ask God to help me not do and how does it feel to not do it.

first off if i had more free time i would probably just write more or run more(ive been getting into running) jst time to enjoy life and the litte (or big) things it throws your way. 

Some things i need to do is become a stronger christian(though i have been working hard on that) finish school( which everday is another step closer) :) and fix things with her....i try my best to be my best

honestly not gonna lie do you want me to be honest? the forbidden thing? ha i want to make love...but AM NIT going to not till marriage...i love her too much and God gives me strength to rekindle our love without that...i want to go to movies go to the park go skating things like that and hang out with family:) i want to be fun and active with our relationship to build ourselves up again before its time :D i love you

i want you guys to answer some of these...dont be afraid as you can see im not

Day 2 of the 40 day journey

Today I am supposed to list some things that were surprises in my life and if they were life changing. Then say what i do when I am alone and if being alone makes me feel like something is wrong.

surprises:
Her coming into my life (most lifechanging)
My mom getting married to my step-dad (who is a great dad)
The day my dad said "im proud of you" the first time i won a raquetball game
They day she told me "I love you" and i knew it was true
When I got my new job

When I am alone I normally just sit, think, write, and pray. Sometimes being alone feels like something is wrong but other times it feels like I just needed the time to reflect and figure out what i need to do to move forward.

What are some things you all were surprised about in your lives and how did those surprises affect you? What are activites you do when your alone to keep yourself budy and not "sitting idle"

day number 1 in my 40 day journey

Today was day number 1 in my 40 day journey. It was all about what i am afraid of and what im excited for in this journey.
Things im afraid of:
Things not going well and me losing her.
Fancial problems due to the economy
military problems due to them being....the military

Things im excited for:
To become a stronger christian
To become the man and future husband God wants and she needs
For my fanances to grow into my heart because at the moment my heart is way bigger than my finances

What are some things you are scared for that could happen within the next 40 days and what are some things your excited for?

struggling with faith

You know that feeling when everything is falling down around you and you cant help but know it's all going to be ok, you just don't know how? That feeling of unconditional love for another, no matter what they do or how they hurt you, you will always stand next to them through the hard times, even when they dont always feel like they want you to. The times you feel like God is there, but just want to see signs of him and that everything will work out? Well im at a place like that, except i know God is there and i know he loves me and i love him. Life gets rough and we instantly say "must not have been what God wanted". 99% of the time thats not the case. I am reading a book called "do hard things" (which is a great book) and i beleive the harder things in life tend to be the right ones. Now im not saying thats always the case but like in my case staying next to the girl i love the one and only girl i have ever dated, the girl i waited 18 years to have a girlfriend, and she was the one i chose, she struggles with commitment...and leaves me sometimes telling me we are over, but always comes back because in her heart she knows she loves me. She lost her faith and i pray everyday that God will help her and me and all of my friends. Staying next to her is hard, sometimes feels impossible, but God made me have a heart to stay for a reason. He does the same for you and everyone else out there. Things always happen for a reason, they make us stronger, they make us cry out to God for help. He will break us down in order to lift us back up through him, because with him we are stronger than anything. People always tell me im weak, im pathetic, im not worth it, but seeing what i have been through with Gods help i am stronger than all those people telling me im far from strong. Strength of body only lasts in a fight, but strength of will and heart will last a lifetime. Does it mean im "invincible"? Not in the slightest, alone im strong, with her im stronger, and with all of us im strongest tahts when i feel "invincible" not that i dont mess up and things dont get hard, just feel like no matter what life throws we can make it through. God gives us bonds to those we truly love for a reason. So we can connect on a deeper level. This girl i can always tell when she is lying i know her better than anyone even when she does not see things in herself i tend to see them. her strength is strong and her heart longs for God and loves him as well as me. Life is full of challenges and temptations. Like i have never looked at another girl? PLEASE!, but i have fought through it seeing that the girl i chose was the one worth fighting for. Thank God everyday for the strength he gives us through the hard times and the love he gives us at all times. "I do what i want, but i dont always follow my heart because if i did, i would still be yours" Pray for your friends that need God and so many of them i am sure are longing for God just do not know how to find him. My friends connection to God was her cat she has had since she was a little kid, when it died i was the only connection to God she felt she had, but i fell, making that connection go away. and though i have found my connection to God again i still pray she will too. I know she will and i know that we will have a long happy life together, but God must be the center of all good things ESPECIALLY relationships. If i had realized that before things would not be like this right now, but things will get better, God is forgiving but never do things knowing he will forgive you. By that i mean dont go into something saying "ya its wrong but he will forgive me" because that ends badly. I have made a vow and promise to myself, my love, and my God to stay pure again till i am married, and i intend on doing that no matter how hard it gets. Follow your heart and it will lead you back to us.